What is the meaning of courage? It can be the ability to do something that frightens one. It can be strength in the face of pain or grief. We all have courage, at least I hope that we do when needed. As nouns, the difference between courage and perseverance is that courage is the quality of a confident character not to be afraid or intimidated easily but without being incautious or inconsiderate while perseverance is continuing in a course of action without regards to discouragement, opposition, or previous failure. I live the courageous meaning of both!
Intimidation is the weapon of a coward. I have learned this again. Intimidation plays a role in our social interactions every day. Some people present as physically intimidating; others are imposing because of their personality, intellect, wealth, or social status. Still others may remind us of someone who spooked us in the past. Whatever the source, we rarely discuss it openly, so the people who intimidate us often have no idea how we see them. That can carry real risks, since the feeling of being intimidated can trigger a fight-or-flight response just as any other perceived threat does.
People who are easily intimidated, especially those for whom self-esteem is a challenge, may find their behavior changing for reasons they don’t always realize. And even the most seemingly secure individuals get intimidated sometimes, though not always by whom you’d expect.
My act of courage is within the walls of my home. My successes are sure. Midterms are now behind and the third degree that I have worked so hard for will be posted for viewing. This is courage, My courage. Filing the new court papers after weeks of research and rewrites. This is courage. My courage. Loving those who have hurt me. This is courage. My courage. Renovating and building my home. This is courage. My courage. Helping a wonderful company prosper and grow. This is courage. My courage. Loving and continually caring for my husband who suffers with great pain each day. This is courage. My courage.
There is not much that scares me anymore. The past two years have been a complete transformation of me. This is courage. I have survived in the face of grief, opposition, slander, and failure. My love encompasses all; friends and not-so-many friends alike. I have made wonderful relationships through opposition and failure. Our strongest feelings of intimidation often correspond to our own insecurities, says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, the author of Joy From Fear (A book that was required reading for one of my classes). If we are afraid we are not smart enough, we may find someone with an advanced degree especially intimidating. If we worry that other people are constantly judging us, we might feel threatened when we meet a psychologist—as many people are.
“It goes to the core of our self-esteem,” Manly explains, and sets us up for toxic comparisons that can spark feelings of inadequacy. If we pride ourselves on our looks or athletic ability, then when we meet someone better looking or more athletic, that uncomfortable feeling can arise. Some people set out to intimidate us, however, while others never mean to. The trouble is that we feel the same in either situation. To tell the bullies from the well-intentioned people who just happen to push our buttons, we have to get past our instinctive threat response and analyze each interaction logically.
But it gets trickier, Manly says, when we’re intimidated by people who remind us of someone who hurt us in the past. It’s hard to overcome the emotional power of that reaction, especially because we aren’t always conscious of it. The antidote to all forms of intimidation is self-esteem, Manly says. “Strong self-esteem doesn’t rely on external attributes; it comes from knowing that you’ve overcome challenges with strength, courage, and dignity, and that you have a moral compass that guides you. The secret is: Nobody’s better than you. We’re all human.”
Developing stronger self-esteem not only makes us less easily intimidated but less intimidating as well, since those of us who feel the most vulnerable can also be the most menacing. This will develop courage. My courage!
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