This has been a dilemma for me but I have resolved how to handle and working through to resolution.
Before we can begin to discern methodically, we have to know what we’re really discerning. That is, we have to know what we’re discerning between. The word “discern” comes from the Latin discernere, the literal meaning of which is “to separate apart” but the image of which is sifting or even threshing, such as separating wheat from chaff.
In a broad sense, then, we can talk about discerning truth (from falsehood), discerning a person’s character (trustworthiness from untrustworthiness) or even discerning spirits (1 Cor. 12:10). This is in fact the term St Ignatius uses in his methods of discernment given to people wanting to make a Holy Spirit-led choice. We’re sifting choices to separate out one among the others.
I have not made all decisions with a "discerning spirit" and I have made grave mistakes. But I have had to also "discern" between the example of those persons who appreciate my steady journey be a good person in all realms and those persons who continually wish to hurt me by consistently reminding me (and others) of my past shortcomings and mistakes. Yes, there are those who wish to take my hard work, my love, and happiness from me (they know who they are). Yes, I made the mistakes! I am so sorry that I made the mistakes, but I have taken responsibility (even through a religious 'court' and discipline ((most do not know this))), and I have worked hard to get past them, sought spiritual advice, and worked hard to decide where I wanted to be in life and outside of the formalities of expectations of others and sad made-up stories.
We can ask it prayerfully, and we may even find an answer. But in terms of making a decision, we’re discerning between answers; typically two, and ideally not more than three, for the simple reason that it can become exponentially more complex. When we don’t have those concrete terms of discernment in front of us, that’s when it can spiral into a decision between, for example, staying and moving on or maybe staying and forcing a change that we cannot live with . . In a word, we have to be clear and concrete: What are the precise choices I’m choosing between?
They must be real and practical.
They must be good.
They must be something we are (or can be) free in.
For me, it is discerning who is right, what is right, and acceptance that has become important to me. We live in a world of judgment, anger, violence, and unrest. I understand that these things exist but I will not force myself to be among such for acceptance.
“While you were busy trying to prove God stands behind you, God was before me lighting the trail, so He could lead us both.” ~ Shannon L. Alder
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