“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life. You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes; with Your right hand You save me.” [Psalm 138:7]
Yes, I have a bully and bullies love misery and taking in those who also are miserable. One thing I have learned .. Love is more powerful than hate and is very likely the answer to ending the bullying epidemic. There are ways to show love toward someone who has bullied, and to reverse the destructive cycle of abuse. I have been working with a CBS journalist in the cycle of social media and bullying. Teenagers are not exempt but adults are bullied as well causing financial loss, psychological damage, and self-worth issues. I have experienced telephone calls and letters to employers, family members, friends, and social media posts.
Typically, when someone does us wrong, we hurt, and a normal thought pattern is to think negatively about them, dwell on it, or magnify it. However, when we become curious as to why someone may bully, we can create a small space between what they are doing and who they are. Hold this person in your heart, cancel the negative thought you may have, and replace it with one positive thought about them. It isn’t always easy yet where your thoughts go, your feelings will follow. Love will open your eyes. You will gain the ability to see past their masks of hate and see a heart full of hurt. Silence is a quiet 'revenge'.
Love isn’t just thinking about bullies differently, love also requires a change in actions. Consider doing a small, kind gesture for the person who bullied you. Write them a note, send a birthday card, offer a smile, or give them a sincere compliment. Mother Nature programmed us to treat other people the way they treat us. By extending the olive branch of kindness, it may just spread and grow. Forgiveness is a skill, and it isn’t always easy. Unforgiveness re-victimizes us upon every remembrance, yet when we learn to forgive, we begin to heal. Forgiving someone sets us free from letting them hurt us over and over again.
As you lead with love for someone who has bullied, also lead with love for yourself by setting boundaries. Make agreements with yourself based on what you want, and state what you will do. Be firm and clear in your physical and emotional limits. By setting goals for your thoughts, words, and actions, you begin to feel more powerful, safe, and connected, and can better spread kindness to others.
Change begins with love; love for yourself, and love for another. When we learn to hold kindness and empathy for those who have bullied while remaining firm in our boundaries, hate is stifled, and healing begins. We cannot control the actions of another, yet we can choose our own thoughts, words, and actions. And what we choose ripples in ways far bigger than we could ever imagine. Love is always the answer.
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