It has been a disheartening week for me. Thom's shoulder replacement surgery has not gone without complications, and I find myself quick to anger. AND then I feel guilty. I am tired. It is difficult to go from one thing to the next when it comes to my husband's health and welfare. I have to accept that there is not just one answer or easy way to face the challenges of chronic illness in my marriage. We have to face this experience in our own unique way. Both spouses have to learn how to cope with many feelings about the reality of the illness and how it affects their lives. This is what we do. Minute by minute.
I work a lot of hours in my career, and I am taking a full load of college classes again. Soon I will have three diplomas on the wall: more for me than for a career. (I will no longer be labeled a LOSER). I am doing this to take care of myself and take care of myself well should something happen to my husband. Both spouses have to accept that there is not just one answer or easy way to face the challenges of chronic illness in my marriage. We have to face this experience in our own unique way. Both spouses have to learn how to cope with many feelings about the reality of the illness and how it affects their lives. This is what we do. Minute by minute.
Anger
Denial
Guilt
Fear
Isolation
Grief
Sense of being trapped
Frustration
Depression
Anxiety (this may include financial or other types of domestic anxieties)
Sexual fears
Spiritual doubts
Parenting concerns
Uncertainty about future
Nervousness
Helplessness
Loneliness is HUGE. There are days I want to pack the truck, grab my dogs and horses, and be gone! Of course, the sense of responsibility kicks in. Despite the harsh words, his discouragement and frustration, and lack of compassion for my feelings, I continue on because I promised to do so. How do I cope? How do I continue on? Are my coping strategies working?
Do things to myself both healthy and sane.
Create a balance between love and independence.
Take time to pursue the things that renew you; I have Whiskey, Orange Therapy, and music.
Get away regularly; I walk the canal with my dogs to create physical downtime.
I need to develop a strong support network. Asking for assistance is difficult for me.
Since I am a person of faith, I try to view the experience as a spiritual journey or with optimism.
Don't try to do everything myself. I try and accept things I can't do and things I don't want to do,
Take care of myself physically and emotionally. It is important to make sure that I don't put my needs aside.
The challenge that life has presented me have the potential to bring me closer or tearing me apart. Flexibility and openness along with good communication between my husband and I is the key to remaining close to each other during the challenge of his illness(s). Even though this time is difficult for me, I am learning wonderful and enduring skills that assist me upon graduation and a possibly new career.
The video that I added to this post was a wonderful uplift today!
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