Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t the same as self-confidence or being self-absorbed. When someone posts about degrading others, thinking themselves as perfect, or talks about themselves as being right and everyone else is wrong, we might call them a narcissist. Here is why narcissists attempt to call you names. Narcissists will call you names either as a means of attack or as a means of endearment. They often resort to name-calling because they are trying to lock you into the role they made for you in their fantasy. It is important to reject these names to avoid falling into their narcissism trap. Gratefully, after years of a GROWN woman's heckling, we can laugh and brush it off as an ensueing mental illness.
TRUTH: Narcissists very commonly call their significant other “babe” or some other term of endearment. OR they make up cute nicknames for themselves and pretend that their significant others call them the names. This primary serves as a means of escalating the intimacy in the relationship while building up the dependency on their adoration to be used in later phases of abuse (her ex-lovers; her ill ex-husband). One telling sign of a narcissist early in a relationship is how quickly they will start calling by a pet names. Some victims say they were being called “babe” as early as the second date. Narcissists tend to move from relationship to relationship and know-how to move quickly with new love interests (even audultry). I have never understood this one as they become "soul mates" or long lost loves from the past.
TRUTH: They like to call names because it casts you as a particular character. Like mean kids on a playground, the narcissist is hoping that if they say “you stink” enough times, then everyone else will believe it. It doesn’t matter if what they say is true, or even if they are accusing you of doing exactly what they do to you. In the narcissistic world view, everything they do is the greatest. They can do no wrong. And, they refuse to see facts or evidence that suggests otherwise.
After a wonderful conversation with our collections company, we found that everything in writing was not as it happened. Of course, we knew this, and the legal enforcement will continue. But in her mind and reality, she is correct. The collection company is documenting every detail to be added to the court case. While narcissists know they are being hypocritical on a intellectual level, they do not feel like they are being unfair or hypocritical. This is very much linked to their difficulty separating their needs and wants from the needs and wants of others. To a narcissist, what is good for them is good forever everyone else. How could someone want something other than what they want? A narcissist will do anything to make themselves look good in the eyes of other people, and don’t feel the need to be fair or reciprocate. They don’t seem them self as an equal to everyone else. Instead, they are special in their own mind, and follow their own set of rules that don’t apply to everyone else. By definition, they are hypocrites because they don’t apply their own rules for other people to themselves. When a narcissist’s judgmental mentality combines with their warped perception of reality, the become a hypocrite. A narcissist will blame you and call you out for doing exactly the same things that they do, and you are not even doing it!
So when a narcissist passes judgment on you, so that they feel good, there is no contradiction in their mind when they act the same way that you did, again so they feel good. If it feels good to them, then it aligns with their conception of good and bad. The key to overcoming a judgmental narcissist keeping a proper frame. Both accepting and overtly rejecting their criticisms is likely to make you subject to additional abuse. Instead, you must learn to recognize their behavior as a symptom of mental disorder, and learn to disregard those words as meaningless.
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