Never Allow
February 15, 2023 (Continued)
Some years ago, I joined a writing guild and have attended three incredible conferences. I also answered a couple of invitations from "Freedom with Writing". I have submitted several short stories and true-life experiences but never was chosen to be published. Within the past three weeks, two of my true-life experiences have been chosen to be published and I will make $500 for each submission. Talk about excited. I have a second draft of a manuscript submitted and am waiting for word. This has been a three-year project and I am now published!
One of my professors gave me this quote not long ago after I found journals and writings from long ago. I found writings and open feelings from an experience that I went through while in high school and shortly after. I met a young man by the name of John. He was charming and treated me with the utmost respect. I was clueless in the ways of young men at the time but we enjoyed short trips in his truck, he would ride horses with me, and long talks. He took me on the first date ever and it was one of the highlights of my high school years. There were some "bumps and bruises" as he crushed my heart a few times with other young gals in my high school. It came to my attention that I didn't "put out" like the others. At the time, I didn't even know what that meant. After I graduated from high school and made my way to college, my family relocated to another part of the state. John called me constantly, came to see me, and promised he would be back to take me away to become his wife. One day, he called me and said he was coming to get in a day or two. I packed my suitcase and made sure it was tucked away far under my bed. And I waited. And I waited some more. And I waited.
My parents were going through a violent divorce and I was caring for my two brothers. I married and my daughter was a newborn. I had my own home and my brothers were living with us as well. Out of the blue, and I am not sure how he acquired my telephone number (land lines back in that day). He explained that he was getting married the next day and he wanted to know if I would marry him instead. I could not believe what I was hearing. He stated that he didn't really want to get married but felt obligated at the point of the relationship he was in. I couldn't believe that he would even ask after crushing everything that I had planned for my future with him. I told him that I was married and happily loving my newborn daughter. I had just finished my third year of college, teaching piano lessons, and loving being in my own home and taking care of my family. Every feeling that I had felt that day was written in my journal and when I shared it with my professor, he stated, "write it". He could feel the anguish, the emotions, and the empowerment at that point in my life.
Over the years, John made contact with me. When we met in person again, I was divorced. He was not. He told him that his marriage was not good but he was waiting for his daughter to turn 18 years and to wait for him. Of course, I had to keep everything secret. Of course. This did not bother me as my life was busy with employment and children. He stated that it would be a wonder for my young sons to work with him on his farm. I wrote down everything we did and said to each other. Little did I know that it was all a lie. I was made out to be the "bad guy" and that I had "wrecked his marriage" when the truth was, it was other women and alcohol that were the home wreckers. One of his "lovers" that he refused to marry made my life a living hell for a while and when my professor read about her antics and our court action, he said, "write it".
Let the world know your thoughts, feelings, failures, and destruction. Write how this woman pushed me to the brink of suicide, mocked, and made fun of it while playing victim and defaming me to the man who lied anyway. I know that I made mistakes and I should have never ventured into believing this man but who wouldn't want to relive the first feel of joy of being loved and loving back. I trusted as no person should ever trust. I have determined that he knew exactly what he was doing and it was intentional. The lies he told me about this woman and the lies she told is something that I would never inflict upon another person. But I can write about them and make money doing it. I am grateful to this woman for her ill behavior, her victimhood, her stationary space in life. I am grateful for her teaching me how to NOT remain stuck, embittered, clinging onto the memory of yellow roses, and clutter.
So, I wrote! And under my pen name. Authors use pen names for many reasons, whether it be for branding purposes or just for privacy. Regardless of why one chooses to use a pseudonym, creating a pen name can play an important part in my book and writings marketing. Of course, only the people involved will know it is about them and I have no legal worries in writing about it. Fiction is best when written about real life experiences. How grateful that I wrote.
So, I am writing! And on to the sequel!
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